Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
