but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
