From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
