Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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