he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
