Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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