I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
