I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
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Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
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You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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