Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
