I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
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Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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