Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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