You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
