oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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