i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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