the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
A+ Viking dick
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
