I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
