We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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