theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
time to smoke my breakfast
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
