I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There's always time for handjobs
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
