dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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