Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
