Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
