Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
