We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
