My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
