If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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