He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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