just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
