I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
