Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
