So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
