Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Randomize
