I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
