I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
