I want to have your abortion
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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