yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So vagazzling was a success
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I did not marry a roomba.
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