I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
