dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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