Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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