I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
