My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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