i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
