im drinking this country out of the recession.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
