he shaved USA in his pubs
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
