Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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