You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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