porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
