Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
