i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
