I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
