you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
