you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
