Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
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Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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