Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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