look no pants
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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