Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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