Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
