you told grandpa to call you daddy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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