Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
