Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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