i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
