guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
