It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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