If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
