He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
