would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
