she kept yelling 'call me bella'
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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