I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
