I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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