so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
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I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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