so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
