chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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