I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
