oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
