I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
