Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Found your dick twin last night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
