We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
